Send a Message
by thelastingsacrifice
Summary: . "No, my Piano Man, I won't be seeing you anytime soon." He whispered, giving a shudder. "I came to say goodbye…"
1. Chapter 1

There was something intoxicating about the rich colors of autumn. Shrugging his jacket up around his shoulders, the albino looked out at the trees, their leaves seeming as though they had been painted by some clumsy two year old. Hell, half of them were missing a good chunk of their leaves, bare branches exposed to the chilling nights, and a slight breeze that was playfully rumpling any hair it could. Drawing in a deep breath of the crisp air, the albino slowly shook his head, before zipping his jacket up, a faint chuckle escaping him. Summer had come and gone, August had arrived. And although the colors of fall were like a drug, the seemingly sweet air like a poison, there was an undefined amount of bitterness in the albino as he looked over the landscape, soaking it in, his red eyes filled with a sort of bleakness, rather than the pure excitement that had been present last year.

It was the very beginning of fall, he thought to himself as he stepped off the porch, walking down the currently empty street, but it was also the beginning of the end. Scowling at the ground, the albino shook his head once, trying to rid himself of such desolate thoughts. He hadn't come out of the house today, to be like this. He didn't want to spend the last day of freedom wasted and trying to drink his life away: there was someone that he needed to see before he was sent away for who (Word is lying to you, "who" is grammatically correct.) knew how long. He doubted that this person wanted to see him, but that just made him smile a bit. It really was far too amusing to make the Austrian lose his temper, probably because he was far too controlled all the time. Getting out stress was good for him, especially since his marriage was failing yet again, and thankfully the Austrian hadn't realized the real reason the albino liked to get him angry.

Letting out a breath, watching it cloud in the air, another slight smile touched the albino's face. Stupid prissy aristocrat, always getting his panties in a bunch over the stupidest things, he really needed to relax and enjoy life. Just because he was a nation, it didn't mean he had all the time in the world. They could die, just as the ancients had gone, but so few seemed to remember that…granted, he supposed if death was on your mind long enough, you started really savoring life. Tilting his head back, he stopped in the middle of the still empty street, looking up at the clear blue sky, wondering if there really was some sort of God up there.

After a few moments had passed though, and there was no answer to his questions, Gilbert could do little more than shrug and continue on his way, scuffing at a slightly crumpled pile of leaves gathered on the corner of a house. Shaking his head once more at thoughts that were threatening to send him on another drinking binge, Gilbert gave another huff, before striding forward, trying to flee from himself. No matter how fast he walked though, there was no escaping his mind. Thought after thought pounded in his skull, threatening to send him to his knees, but that would be seen as a weakness. He couldn't seem weak, even with his doom looming over his head, he had to seem strong. He was doing this for West, and West couldn't see how much this was affecting him mentally.

Panting slightly, Gilbert broke out into a jog, closing his eyes, before he found himself moving into a full out sprint, breath coming a bit raggedly as he hurtled down the street, gritting his teeth. Cold air ripped at his lungs, it was difficult to breathe by the time he got to the end of the street. Bracing himself on one of the benches for the buses, Gilbert gripped the wood slats almost desperately, his fingers gripping the slightly frozen wood, shoulders shaking. For several long moments, he stood there, eyes closed, chest heaving as he fought to get himself under control, fought to make it seem as though he was okay, as if this was just some average day. Occasionally, the sound of a songbird could be heard, the faint rustle as the town started to wake up. Focusing on those noises and the fact people would be on their way soon, Gilbert slowly straightened, releasing his hold on the bench, wiping his hands on his pants. A seemingly relaxed grin flickered across his expression now; he casually shoved his hands in his pockets, and began to saunter down the street, watching some sleepy people stumble from their houses to get their papers.

He had stayed the night in some hotel, a simple place that was about a ten minute walk from the Austrian's home—a surprise visit, as usual. Looking around, he found that he was about a minute from the Aristocrat's house; it seemed doing a flat out sprint really had a way of killing time. Chuckling faintly to himself, he went right up to the door, and wiggled the knob, not surprised to find it locked. That was what he had prepared for though. Hungary was gone for the day, something he had checked more than once, meaning he had Specs all to himself for the _whole day_. Grinning slightly to himself, Gilbert reached around in his back pocket and fished out West's credit card, taking a moment to admire the shiny surface, before sliding it into the door crack, and carefully wiggling it around, for the moment glad that Specs was too cheap to get a good lock. A few moments later, he was in.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the hallway, listening to the soft sounds coming from the music room, tilting his head in an almost curious manner. There was something almost oddly familiar about the tune, though at the moment he couldn't place just what it was. Quickly growing bored of just sitting there and listening, Gilbert quietly made his way down the hallway, pausing just before the music room. The music had stopped for some reason. Had he been heard? He had assumed the rustle of the wind against the house had muffled his footsteps…!

Holding his breath, Gilbert pressed up against the wall, eyes closing, not daring to do as much as twitch. A few heartbeats passed, before the piano picked up again, apparently the Austrian had just been getting more music or something—the tune had changed. Slowly peeling himself off of the wall, grinning now, Gilbert sauntered over to the door, grasping the cool handle and ever so carefully turning it, pushing the door in with a careful manner, making sure it didn't even creak. The Austrian was too into his music to even notice the intrusion, another thing the albino had been prepared for (counting on, actually). Slowly closing the door, he quickly made his way behind a cluster of music stands, which had a convenient sheet thrown over them. Peeking out from behind the stands, for a moment, Gilbert watched the Austrian play, wishing that he had had such talent with the piano, before he cast aside such thoughts, and crept out of his hiding place.

Wait! Had he been spotted? Eyes widening as the dark haired man moved as if to turn around, Gilbert promptly threw himself at the other man, tackling him. "Hey Specs!" He called out joyfully, as they crashed onto the hard wood floor, a grunt escaping him as the Austrian somehow managed to slam an elbow into his ribs. "It's a wonderful fall day, and here you are locked up inside. Really now, do you hate the outside that much?" He teased, shifting so he was sitting on the other, poking his cheek in a curious manner, grinning.

"Gilbert!" The ruffled Austrian snapped.

"That's the name!" Gilbert said cheerily, grin widening a touch as he saw the irritation in the violet eyes of the Austrian—though that irritation was just a mask to hide the affection. "You should come outside for the first time in your life," he drawled, "believe it or not, it isn't summer anymore. I know this may be hard for you to believe, but after summer comes such a thing called fall. It's really quite a nice time of the year."

Glaring at the other man, Roderich smacked him in the chest, attempting to shove him off. "Get off of me, you fat oaf," he grumbled at the albino, sitting up and dusting himself off, a blush still brightly coloring his face. "I do not need to go outside in this weather. There is absolutely no reason to do so. And why are you even here? Last I checked, you lived in your brother's basement, not anywhere near me." He growled.

Pretending to be hurt by the words (though they did stab some part of his heart), Gilbert let out a fairly offended sort of sound, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. "I came to grace you with my presence!" Gilbert said, shaking his head as though he pitied the other man for not knowing this simple fact. "It has been so long since we last visited," last time they had decided to use the piano for more than it was intended for, "and I was, graciously, thinking about just coming by and brightening your day!"

Roderich was silent for a moment, before he let out a slightly dark chuckle and shook his head. "Of course," he muttered, somewhat under his breath, turning his back to the Prussian and moving to take a seat at his piano again. "I should have guessed that you were horny. That's the only reason you'd visit me." Settling back at his piano, Roderich began to play once more, though he seemed to be slamming his fingers against the keys more than anything.

Blinking at the sudden shift in words, for a moment Gilbert couldn't do anything more than stare at Roderich's back, before a scowl flickered across his expression. Reaching forward, he gripped the other man's shoulder, yanking him off the chair and back onto the ground. "You can be so arrogant sometimes," he said in a growl, eyes flashing. "Always assuming things, putting words in my mouth that never came out, it kind of pisses me off." Still tightly gripping the Austrian's shoulder, Gilbert shook his head in a fairly disappointed manner, before abruptly releasing him, leaving him to 'thunk' fully onto the floor. "Stupid prissy aristocrat," Gil grumbled, leaning up against the wall and glaring at the confused Roderich sprawled out on the floor.

"Wait…" Roderich said, scowling slightly in confusion as he sat up, adjusting his glasses, before taking them off and cleaning them, a nervous tic so to say. "So, you didn't just visit because you wanted to…to…" He blushed furiously now, unable to get the words out, and looked away, almost ferociously cleaning his glasses.

"To fuck you?" Gilbert asked dryly, rolling his eyes, his tone mocking. "Believe it or not, I'm not as bad as you think." He snapped slightly, huffing. "Man, I don't even know why I bothered to visit you. This was just a waste of my time; I could be doing better things right now." This was a flat out lie, but even if Roderich ended up calling him on it, Gilbert would never admit that the only other thing he could be doing was drinking himself into some sort of numb coma.

"W-well, when you come around in times like these, I have learned to assume that is what you want," Roderich stammered, blush growing darker as he played with his cravat, having placed his glasses on once more. After a few moments, he shrugged, not about to apologize to the Prussian. "If you must interrupt my life," he said in a sigh, "then I suppose I'll humor you. You'll just pester me until I give in anyway." Brushing some invisible dirt from his coat, Roderich fixed his hair, before going over to the albino, making a slightly indignant sound, and reaching out, making an attempt to smooth down the albino's hair.

"Stop it," Gilbert whined when he did this, smacking at his hands, though he did grin slightly, unaware of the fact that was what the Austrian had been going for the whole time. "It's windy outside," Gilbert said in a huff, wandering out into the hallway. "It's going to get messed up again anyway. Gott, Specs, you can be so girly about your appearance."

"Girly? There is nothing wrong with wanting to look pristine, Gilbert!" Roderich said immediately, eyes narrowing. "Just because not all of us just jump out of bed and simply throw some clothes on…" He muttered under his breath, though he secretly adored the albino's crazy sort of style.

"Are you talking about those crazy awesome people who actually have a life and places to go when they wake up in the morning?" Gilbert asked in a pseudo innocent manner, looking behind him with wide eyes.

Despite himself, Roderich couldn't help a chuckle as he looked at the Prussian, not believing that innocence for as much as a moment. "Gilbert," he said lazily, "you have about as much chance of being innocent as I do of…" He trailed off, as blush creeping up his face as he looked away.

"Oh! I know the answer to this one!" Gilbert said, grinning widely now, a laugh escaping him. "I have as much of a chance of being innocent as you do of ever managing to top!" Cackling to himself, Gilbert shook his head, skipping out of arm range, listening to the indignant sputtering of the dark haired man behind him, as well as quite a few improper things! "Oh, Specs, what is that coming from your mouth?" He goaded. "That's hardly proper!" Laughing again, he dashed out of the house, leaping down the stairs, the offended Austrian hot on his heels.

"Gilbert!" Roderich shouted as he chased after the cackling albino. "Come back here so I can wash your mouth out with soap! I swear, you…you…!" Words were failing him at this point, panting as he chased after the offender, not used to getting this much exercise at once.

"If you wash my mouth out with soap…you wouldn't like kissing me…so you'd essentially lose…" Gilbert panted, coming to a halt in an empty park, fighting to get his breathing under control.

"Or I…could just…not kiss you," Roderich growled, though the effect was lost with the panting, as he stopped beside the albino, shedding himself of his jacket for the moment, draping it over his arm.

"You honestly think you could go without kissing me, even once?" Gilbert asked, still breathing a bit heavy, but grinning over at the Austrian, laughing breathlessly when he got silence as an answer, cheeks flushed both from the run and his good spirits. Reaching over, he looped an arm around Roderich's shoulders, pulling him into a sort of one armed hug. "You can be too cute sometimes," he informed him, earning an even darker blush.

"Y-you're embarrassing," Roderich muttered, pulling out of the one armed hug and walking over to the fountain in the middle of the park, tugging his jacket back on self consciously.

Shaking his head, a small smile touched Gilbert's face as he walked over to the other side of the fountain as well, before stripping himself of his shirt and tossing it into the water.

"What are you doing?" Roderich asked, violet eyes widening, shivering as a slight wind chilled him, even through his jacket. "You're going to freeze; today is exceptionally cold for August!" He exclaimed, though he couldn't do anything more than just stare at the bare skin, finding himself suddenly _wanting_ the other man. Blushing, he looked away at this point.

And that was when he got hit with the wet shirt. Gasping, the Austrian reeled back, his glasses in disarray, nearly falling onto his butt. "Gilbert!" He gasped, gaping at the other, as though he couldn't comprehend what had just happened to him. Quickly, he adjusted himself, fixing his glasses, before fixing the cackling albino a very angered sort of look, turning on his heel and stalking off, though the fact the other man was still shirtless had him blushing like crazy.

Throwing the wet t-shirt back on, for a moment admiring the way it clung to his firm body, Gilbert choked back the laughter, bouncing after the offended priss. "Come back!" He called out after him, before wrapping his arms around his waist and physically pulling him back into him, not heeding the older man's struggles. Kissing his temple, a lower sort of chuckle came from the albino, a slight purr touching his voice ever so slightly. "Are you really going somewhere without getting some sort of goodbye kiss?" He asked, pressing a kiss on the Austrian's neck now, just above the white (and now wet) cravat, earning a sort of shiver from the usually dignified man, a slightly surprised breath. He had learned a long time ago that the other man was a sucker for touch, and even these soft, seemingly pointless caresses were doing more than any night of passion could ever do.

"P-people are staring, Gilbert," Roderich whispered, his eyes closed, just about melting back into the albino, another shiver escaping him, as well as a faint whimpering sound.

"Let them stare. Let them wonder, hell, I don't really care what they think," Gilbert growled, fully aware that there was nobody in the park, even though time had passed and now it was about mid afternoon, playing along with Roderich. It was a game they had developed a long time ago.

"This is hardly proper," the Austrian mumbled, face flushed from the proximity of the Prussian as well as the fact that this was incredibly pleasurable for him: something that only the albino knew about, for some odd reason. "And I'm still married," he added, feigning a grumpy tone.

"She wouldn't mind joining in a three-way," the albino mused aloud, chuckling a bit. "Then you would be bottoming to two people though, and I still hate the idea of sharing you." Before the other man had a chance to argue, Gilbert had released him, and was standing in front of him, grabbing him by the slightly damp cravat, and yanking him into a kiss, lips meeting Roderich's with an almost desperate feel to them, as though he was afraid of something. If the Austrian had been paying better attention, he would have caught this, and questioned the Prussian on it, but at the moment, he was too lost in the kiss to be able to think clearly, much less read the body language of the albino.

The kiss wasn't heated anymore beyond that, and as Gilbert finally stepped back from the other, he gave him a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Your wife will be home soon," he told the slightly dazed looking Roderich, for a moment admiring those pretty violet eyes of his, and the faint smile that was touching his lips—it was rare for the other man to outright smile so even the slightest hints of cracks in composure was more than enough to make the Prussian's day. "I have no immediate desire to be bludgeoned to death today," a faint chuckle escaped him, though he had to work to make it seem as though he was actually happy.

Roderich was silent for a moment or so, brow furrowing in a bit of confusion as he searched the bright red eyes of the Prussian, tilting his head to the side slightly, as if trying to figure out exactly what he was seeing there. Panicked, Gilbert flashed the other man a cheery grin, chuckling, about to make some sort of joke about thinking too hard.

"Alright," Roderich said slowly, halting Gilbert from saying anything. There was hesitance in his voice though, as if there was something he saw that he didn't like—some sort of hidden truth. "You never told me why you wanted to visit today though. I'm still curious."

Surprised by the sudden statement, Gilbert did little more than shrug, as if the real reason didn't matter all that much.

Shrugging as well, Roderich pressed a very light kiss to the albino's lips, before turning and walking off.  
>"See you around, Gilbert." He said over his shoulder, before pausing, as though thinking about adding something. For a moment, a faint beacon of hope flickered in the albino, though it was extinguished when the other man continued walking, not looking back a second time.<p>

As soon as he was out of sight, Gilbert allowed the desolation that he had been so carefully hiding to take over, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "No, my Piano Man, I won't be seeing you anytime soon." He whispered, giving a shudder. "I came to say goodbye…"

"I failed to say that though. Just as I failed to say that I loved you. Love you."


	2. Chapter 2

It was the next day that the Austrian heard what happened. Staring at the phone, for a moment, it was as though the world was spinning too quickly and he was about to pass out. Staggering a bit, he collapsed onto the couch, face absolutely drained of color. "What did you just say, Germany?" Roderich asked, his voice squeaking a bit as he forced the words out.

"He's gone, Austria," the solemn response came. There was no emotion in that voice; there was nothing Roderich could use to call bluff. Or to know if this was all some sort of elaborate joke, because that's what everything had to be, right? Some sort of elaborate joke? Tightly gripping the phone, the dark haired Austrian squeezed his eyes shut, taking off his glasses and setting them on the end table, rubbing his eyes and refusing to let those stinging tears escape.

"This joke isn't funny, Germany," he snapped out, voice higher than usual in his agitation. "This isn't funny, knock it off! I would expect this from your brother, not from you!" He shouted into the phone, before he gave a sort of whimper, slowly curling up into a ball on the couch, clinging to the phone as though it was his last possible lifeline.

"This isn't a joke," Germany said in the same monotone sort of voice. "He's gone. I've just called to inform you that you won't be bothered by him anymore." And with that, the German hung up the phone, leaving the Austrian with only the dial tone to listen to.

Staring blankly at the wall, Roderich turned his head and watched as the phone slowly slid from his hand, clattering onto the floor. He could still hear the faint beep of the dial tone. He could still see the phone; in fact, he was staring at it right now. His mind wasn't on the phone though, or the fact his bill was only going to get higher and higher if he kept the phone there like that.

_He's gone._

Those two words were repeating in his head, like the buzz of the dial tone. His first thought was to reject such a thing, because it surely wasn't possible. He had just seen the Prussian yesterday, after all! And he had been just fine! They had had fun! Nothing had been wrong; there had been no indication of this! He was aware of the fact he was lying to himself though. That brief glimpse he had gotten when he had glanced at the albino right before he left, he should have stopped and asked about that. He should have gotten the truth from him, but instead, he had been too absorbed in getting home before it got dark. And now here he was, alone, and there was a large possibility he was never going to see the annoying-as-hell best friend he could ever ask for albino.

A shuddering sigh escaped the dark haired Austrian as he closed his eyes once more, tears slipping from behind the tightly closed lids. Wrapping his arms around his legs, he dropped his head down to rest on his knees, trembling, though he was trying his best to suppress any sort of emotion he was having. He couldn't cry, no, he _wouldn't_ cry, because crying was undignified.

_ Can't stand to be without your dignity, can you?_

It was a scene from one of his memories, before he and Gilbert had really fallen into their usual pattern, but even knowing this, it made the Austrian jump, his eyes widening as he looked around the empty room, making a slightly choked noise, tears falling freely now. "Dignity is all I have left, Gilbert," he whispered, staring at the wall now. "It's all that I am now. You've left me, and I didn't even see the signs. I was too caught up in my own life to pay even the slightest bit of attention to you, and what might be going on with you." Another choked sound escaped him as he slowly straightened, brushing off his coat, and straightening his cravat, wiping away the remaining tears. "Well, Gilbert," he said as though the other man was standing right beside him, "I guess I'll just have to wait for you to come back now. Because I know that you would sure as hell never give up on living, especially with Russia. You hate his guts; you wouldn't let him break you." Shaking his head, the fragile aristocrat made his way back into the piano room, taking a seat on the old bench, his fingers lightly brushing against the well-used ivory keys.

For a moment, there was silence. And then, Roderich closed his eyes, and began to play the Prussian National Anthem.

It was a few weeks later, and the Austrian had decided to venture outside. Wrapping his coat around himself, he huffed slightly, glaring at the temperature gauge, not liking how cold it was starting to get. Putting on his shoes, he shuffled outside, and quickly made his way to the end of the driveway, flipping open the mailbox and snatching whatever was inside of it.

Turning, he started to walk back when he saw an achingly familiar handwriting, and even the usual misspelling of his name, something that had become sort of a joke between the two of them. Stopping in the middle of the driveway, Roderich stared at the envelope, feeling his legs give out. Falling to his knees, he dropped all the other mail, breathing hard, his violet eyes wide. Shakily, he ripped open the envelope, unfolding the letter, tears springing into his eyes when he saw that familiar crappy handwriting, before he clutched the paper to his chest, gritting his teeth and refusing to cry. Ever so shakily, he got to his feet, picking up the rest of the mail, before sprinting into the house.

Throwing the other letters and bills onto the table, Roderich sat down at his piano again, eyes wide, blinking back tears so he could take a moment to decipher the ungodly handwriting.

_Hey Specs!_

_Man, this place is shit. And here I was thinking that you had it bad, what with your outdated curtains and poor choice in food and all that crap, but yeah, somehow this place is even worse. So I guess you can get taken off of that list! You probably won't even bother answering this, but it's not as if I actually care if you do or not, I'm just writing this to pass the time!_

_It's kind of cold here, you know that? I hate his cold. I'm going to end up getting sick or something. Whatever though, it's kind of fun being able piss off Ivan with every move I make, almost makes this worthwhile! He isn't very nice when he is made angry though, and he keeps saying things like how he is going to end up eventually breaking me. I keep telling him he's funny, after all, who in their right mind could break ME? Nobody even has a fleeting chance to do so! _

_Hah, you're probably bored out of your mind without me there, huh Specs? You have no real outside life. What's it like there anyway? Feli still pestering West about the stupidest things? Not that I miss you guys or anything, hah, why would I miss anyone? I don't need anyone!_

_Looks like I've run out of things to say to you, Specs. You should write back if you ever have the chance to pull away from that piano. You're going to become a cripple at some point, I swear. So, since I suppose I have nothing more to say to you, I'll just stop writing; my hand kind of hurts anyway. _

_The one and only, _

_Gilbert. _

Staring at the letter, Roderich let out a slight laugh, shaking his head, clutching it back to his chest. Gilbert was still alive, he was well enough to write to him! Laughing again, he carefully grabbed another piece of paper, and began to write him back.

A BONUS: A SNIPPET OF WHAT GIL IS GOING THROUGH SHALL BE WRITTEN SOON.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey Specs!_

_Man, this place is shit. And here I was thinking that you had it bad, what with your outdated curtains and poor choice in food and all that crap, but yeah, somehow this place is even worse. So I guess you can get taken off of that list! You probably won't even bother answering this, but it's not as if I actually care if you do or not, I'm just writing this to pass the time!_

_It's kind of cold here, you know that? I hate his cold. I'm going to end up getting sick or something. Whatever though, it's kind of fun being able piss off Ivan with every move I make, almost makes this worthwhile! He isn't very nice when he is made angry though, and he keeps saying things like how he is going to end up eventually breaking me. I keep telling him he's funny, after all, who in their right mind could break ME? Nobody even has a fleeting chance to do so! _

_Hah, you're probably bored out of your mind without me there, huh Specs? You have no real outside life. What's it like there anyway? Feli still pestering West about the stupidest things? Not that I miss you guys or anything, hah, why would I miss anyone? I don't need anyone!_

_Looks like I've run out of things to say to you, Specs. You should write back if you ever have the chance to pull away from that piano. You're going to become a cripple at some point, I swear. So, since I suppose I have nothing more to say to you, I'll just stop writing; my hand kind of hurts anyway. _

_The one and only, _

_Gilbert_

_Dear Gilbert, _

_Are you aware of the fact all you ever seem to do is complain? Nothing is ever good enough for your high standards, and you sit here calling me picky! Really, you just have a poor taste in everything. I'm sure the accommodations aren't nearly as bad as you make them seem, aside from the fact you might not be able to drink all the beer you want. Despite the fact you're just as annoying in your letters as you are in face to face conversation, I currently have nothing better to do, so I might as well write you back. I must really be bored to be senselessly indulging you. _

_Life here, since you so thoughtfully asked, is actually pretty good. I don't have any more interruptions, so for once I am actually able to focus on my piano playing. Not that you've ever had any sort of appreciation for my playing, but I couldn't expect anything else from you, now could I? I hear your brother is doing well, and I'll pass it along that you said hello. As for that senseless Italian, well, I have no idea what he could be doing right now. I have little to no doubt he is pestering him to unwind and play with him though. I'm sure their relationship is going well, though I think I'm going to end up getting a divorce sooner or later, things just aren't working for me. Laugh all you want about that, I know you predicted it would fail from the very beginning. _

_And now that I've indulged you by writing back, you had better respond to me. I did not just spend half an hour of my life writing this just for you to ignore it and go about your merry way. I know you have manners somewhere in your body. How are things there? And for all that is holy, try not to piss off Russia too much. For some reason, I don't like the mental image of you getting smeared all over the walls. Maybe I'm getting sick. _

_Yours, _

_Roderich_

_Specs, _

_You've never been able to handle gore, have you? Well, you're nothing short of a pansy sometimes, so I suppose this was to be expected, but I get too much pleasure in irritating him to just knock it off. Maybe you should come over here and punish me instead. I certainly wouldn't mind having a companion for the night, someone to warm my bed. You might actually help in keeping the cold away; imagine that, you helping for once! I suppose even pansies have to have a purpose in life though, even if it is only to keep my bed warm. _

_You're my favorite pansy though. __Yeah, is that so? West needs to take the time to unwind anyway, he kind of irritates me with his constant working, but at least he's going to survive. That's all that is important to me. Did you know that if you keep someone cooped up too long they start talking to things? I've only heard about this theory, but hey, maybe I'll get a chance to test it out eventually, I don't know. It's hard to get a straight thought out on paper right now, plus my fingers really hurt. _

_I guess I'll just send this, because I don't feel like rewriting everything again. I don't care if you respond or not, like I said before, this is just how I pass time. __It's not like I eagerly await these letters, if you even remotely think that, you're being an idiot. _

_Gilbert_

_Dear Gilbert, _

_You're not sounding that well, are you actually getting sick like you predicted? I told you, you're an idiot for provoking him and not just laying low. And I am hardly a pansy! You're just an egocentric jerk! __Not that I mind that about you, sometimes it's kind of a turn on actually…__ I think it is good for you to finally be put in your place; actually, you need it more than anyone else. However, I'll still play the piano for you, since I know how you always attempted to play but lack my finesse and skill. I'm going to pick the song though, and I might play it for you when you get back. _

_I'm divorced now; your letters take a long time in getting here. __Not that I count the days or anything. __Being alone isn't that bad, I actually have a chance to get my stuff done after all, and with fewer distractions, I'm getting more accomplished than before. Your brother stopped by a few days ago; it was good seeing him once again. He's looking tired though, I think he's worried about you, even though you also send him letters. He's probably just being worn out by that Italian of his, but I'm not the type to ask questions. _

_Tell me more about what is going on over there, you usually love talking about yourself, and I don't have anything better to ask about. Really, Gilbert, you need to work on your ability to converse with people. You're getting better though I suppose, this letter isn't anywhere as obnoxious as your previous ones. __The sudden mood change is almost alarming though, I'm wondering if something bad is happening. __It's very rude you know, making me do all of the work in this conversation. That's nothing unusual for you though, you're always making me do everything. _

_I'm not certain what to say at this point __(I love you)__ so I am going to get back to my piano. And speaking of punishment, I just cleaned it. _

_Yours, _

_Roderich_

_Roddy, _

_There's nothing for me to say right now. __I love you. __So why would I go about talking about a pointless situation? I've been here for too long, it seems like I'm never going to get out of here. Not that you care, you have your stupid piano to keep you company, and that's all you ever need. You said yourself, you prefer being alone to anything else. I'll just leave you alone now or something, you probably hate answering these stupid letters anyway; I don't know why I take the time to even bother writing them. Or even to West, he's so busy with his work and whatever else he has going on. I don't even want to focus long enough to write this. _

_I'm so glad to hear that your life is so happy and happy and I don't even know right nowYou know what? I'm done. I don't see the point of anything right now. I might not even end up sending this. You just get back to your piano playing and I'll get back to the hell that is my life. I hate it here, and you aren't helping. __Your letters are not the only reason I'm still fighting!_

_Gilbert_

_Gilbert! _

_You'd better answer this letter, you hear me? I don't care what you write, but you focus enough to write me back, and then we'll talk, you understand me?_

_Please, Gilbert, for the love of everything, just write me back. _

_Please. _

_Yours, _

_Roderich_

After that day, the letters stopped. It was only a long while later, that Roderich got another letter. This letter though, wasn't from the man he wanted so badly to respond to him.

_Dear little Austrian,_

_I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to allow you to communicate with my little pet from now on! He seems to be getting too much hope that you'll end up responding to him or something, and I'm starting to get irritated by it. You're making shattering him rather difficult, and I hate his attitude. However, I don't hate you, so I decided to write you a letter so you don't feel abandoned! I can't say the same for that pesky little albino though; he thinks you just left him hanging. Oh, torturing him even mentally is just so much fun! I do apologize for how late this letter is, but things have been going on for quite some time here. _

_I also apologize for the blood on the paper, but perhaps you can use it as a reminder of that albino you seem so attached to. Look, I'm so thoughtful! _

_Have a wonderful day!_

_Russia _


	4. Bonus One

"You want to give me my damned mail yet?" The Prussian growled, eyes flashing as he crossed his arms, standing just about toe to toe with the Russian, challenge seeming to pour off of him. He was allowed in the living room today, usually he was forced to spend his time chained to the wall downstairs in the basement with only a blanket to use for warmth. The sudden freedom of movement was starting to make him uneasy, and he was getting a bit dizzy standing up, but it also made him even more arrogant.

For the moment, the other man was ignoring him, happily skimming through the mail and shredding things he deemed unworthy of reading. And he had no doubt that his letter was in there somewhere, which made him feel rather irritated as he paced across the room, doing it just because he knew pacing pissed off the large man to no end.

"Quit your pacing! I told you, you didn't get any mail!" The Russian growled, after about five minutes of pacing. "You keep this up and I will have to punish you, da. I don't want to do that. We were having such a good day too. Don't go and ruin it, I wouldn't like that very much at all!" Shaking his head, the Russian resumed shredding, though in his pocket he kept the very thing that he knew the albino was looking for.

Eyes narrowing, Gilbert resisted the urge to try and force the Russian to give him anything. Instead, he simply resumed his pacing, walking around in small, tight circles, knowing that those were the things that irritated him the most. Where was his letter? He had been waiting for a letter from a certain Austrian for twice the time it usually took! And there was no way Specs was just getting lazy and not writing back, he had seen a familiar elegant scrawl in the mail today!

"You will stop your pacing." Ivan growled, his tone leaving no room for argument. Pausing mid-stride, frustrated and ready to take it out on someone, Gilbert slowly turned to face him, crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes, a slow smirk flickering across his expression, though his eyes were cold.

"I will?" He asked, before a slight laugh escaped him, making him shake his head. "Listen to me, you Commie," he growled, "you can do whatever the hell you want to me, the worst has already been done," at this point, there was literally nothing that Ivan could take from him and it was leaving the albino feeling…kind of dead, but also fearless, "you've proved that much. You can't seem to get it through your thick head that I don't care what you do. Order me around all you want, but it's not as though I plan on breaking anytime soon. I'm not one of those Baltics," he sneered a bit now, "go play with them if you're looking for an easy toy." All throughout his little speech, the albino had been steadily moving forward, until he was standing toe to toe with the larger man, eyes gleaming in the dimming light, his arms crossed and pressed against his chest. "Come at me, bro," he snarled, hoping to get ahold of the letter he knew was in the Russian's pocket.

For a few moments, there was a dark sort of silence between the two. The air was steadily getting colder though, and a sort of choking aura was starting to engulf everything. And then, the large man Gilbert was standing toe to toe with began to giggle. It was oddly childish, pitched higher, as though Ivan found something simply hilarious, and couldn't contain his laughter anymore at this point. Eyes widening a bit, Gilbert fought the urge to flee, telling himself that he had no reason to flee, though as the Russian continued to laugh, he found himself taking a step back, red eyes a touch panicked. "Oh, you think I'm funny?" He snarled, attempting to get back the ground he was quickly losing in the battle, though his feet refused to take another step toward the blonde. "That's great, you've developed a sense of humor, way to go!" Sneering, Gilbert slowly shook his head, though this was more to brush his hair from his eyes. Already, the Prussian was getting to be almost an emaciated skinny, his scarce clothing pillowing off of his body, his hair dry and dull. Dark shadows smudged under his eyes, but at least one thing had changed: those brilliant red eyes hadn't lost their spark, their will to live.

The Russian though, hated seeing that spark more than anything else, so when he finally met the red eyes of the albino, a sort of growl escaped him and he lunged forward, slamming the albino against the wall, though not getting the whimper he had been hoping for. "You really should learn when to shut that pretty little mouth of yours," Ivan told Gilbert in a seemingly sweet manner, a cruel smile touching his face as he gently patted his cheek. "We would get along better if you could just play nicely with others. I've been nice to you up to this point, da?" He asked, though it wasn't clear if he was looking for a response or not.

"Nice?" Gilbert asked in an incredulous manner, staring at the other, not feeling the slightest hint of fear as he was pinned against the wall. "You? Nice? Hah! You really did develop a sense of humor! Ahah! That's a good one!" He snickered a bit, shaking his head. The tightening of the fingers on his shoulders, making him wince a bit, informed him that the Russian wasn't appreciating the comment, but hey, since when did he appreciate anything? "You're going to get the fucking Nobel Peace Prize at this rate," Gilbert sneered, barely resisting the urge to spit in the blonde's face.

"Da, you're so funny," Ivan sneered, a slow grin stretching across his face. "You think you're hilarious, well, aren't you just the cutest thing?" A quiet giggle escaped the man, his fingers slowly tightening on the albino's shoulders as he spoke. "I should put you in the shredder like I do all the junk mail. Because I've been nice, da I've been nice to you this whole time, but you're nothing more than a piece of junk. You'll never be worth anything to anyone, so why do you keep trying? That little Austrian will never just settle for you, it's adorable that you even think he would want you. After all, why would _anyone _want someone like you? A little ex-nation, someone who will soon be forgotten, not even someone that the books will care to remember. You're nothing, da!" Another giggle escaped the man, his violet eyes wide as he eagerly read every expression that flashed across Gilbert's face.

The first thing that showed up was disbelief. Eyes narrowing dangerously, though he was in no position to fight, there was no way that Gilbert was going to be able to just sit there and accept everything that he was told. "You're just a dirty little liar, Ivan," he snarled, trying to pry the tightening hands from his shoulders, biting his lip almost enough to make it bleed. "Just because nobody wants _you,_ doesn't mean that they feel the same way about me. You see, unlike you, people _are_ capable of loving me. I'm not some disgusting man child." Speaking lowly, Gilbert continued to squirm under the hands, lashing out verbally with everything he knew.

"You don't even have any pets, and you want to know why? You aren't suitable to have pets. They all die. And guess what? Even if you found someone who wanted you, you'd end up killing them too." He had hit a nerve there, the sudden darkening of Ivan's expression told him that he was probably about to die, but at least he was going to die on his feet, more or less. "You sick bastard. I hope you die alone, and in a pit of misery. You act as though we're the same, but get this through that childishly retarded head of yours: we are _nothing_ alike."

Before the Prussian could say another word, Ivan whirled and threw him against the opposite wall, a sort of laugh escaping him. "He thinks he's funny!" He stated, though it wasn't obvious who he was talking to at this point. "He's a real clown, da! Look at him! He's just so funny!" Another sort of laugh escaped him as he stepped forward, clutching his pipe in his hands, swinging it around in a seemingly thoughtful manner. "You need to be taught a lesson in how to be funny," Ivan said sweetly, bending down, taking Gilbert's chin in his hands and jerking his head up, violet eyes meeting red.

Resisting the urge to gag when he was grabbed by Ivan, a slight smirk flashed across Gilbert's face, even though just breathing was starting to hurt as his tired and battered body protested the abuse. "I think you need a class in how to listen," he growled a bit. "Because whatever I just said clearly didn't get through that thick skull of yours."

A quiet giggle escaped Ivan, as he all of a sudden slammed his pipe down on the small of the ex-nation, taking satisfaction out of the cry he got from the other. "You think you're so funny," he repeated, a bit breathlessly from the fact he was still laughing. Again and again, he slammed the pipe down, harder and harder, listening to bones crack, feeling warm blood splatter on his face, though throughout the whole thing, he was simply laughing. "Funny!" He repeated, as though he found that word hilarious. "You will never have anyone to love you; you'll never have anyone who wants you like I do! You belong to me, and you will always belong to me. Because you are mine! And mine alone!" Breathless, Ivan stepped away from the bloody and unconscious Prussian, shaking his head sadly.

"He didn't last this time, it's sad," he complained as he grabbed the other man, throwing him over his shoulder, oblivious to the fact that he was getting blood all over himself. "He's getting weaker, he has to break soon," the Russian said with a sort of sing song tone to his voice, just about skipping down the hallway, entering the old meat freezer and tossing the bloody albino down, hooking up the shackles and affectionately patting his cheek.

"I'll be back later, da!" He said brightly, a soft giggle escaping him as he shook his head, walking out and locking the door behind him. Pausing, he slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter that he had never intended to give the Prussian, staring at the elegant scrawl, before giving a lower sort of laugh.

"Worrying about him, are you?" He asked lowly, ripping open the letter to read the almost frantic words. Reaching out, he snagged a pen, before he sat down and started writing as well.

"I'll give you something to worry about."


	5. Chapter 4

It hurt to move…it hurt to breathe, hell it hurt to simply _exist._ Letting out a groan, the man stirred under the thin sheets, listening to the steady beeping of something next to him, he had no clue what it was right now. Aside from that persistant beep, the room was dead silent. And it smelled funny…it smelled _clean._ Like when West had had a fit and taken a whole bottle of bleach to the bathroom after Gilbert had returned and covered it in a mix of blood and dirt.

_West. _There was something about that…"_Bruder!"_ Eyes opening in alarm, Gilbert let out a pained sound as the sudden light stabbed at his mind, the heart monitor beside him increasing as he writhed under the cold sheets, breathing raggedly. There was something he was forgetting, something that was threatening to break through the surface, something that made him feel as though he was going to claw out his mind, fingers coming up and digging into his temples, blood dripping down his fingers a bit.

"_Bruder! You're alive!" _Squirming, the albino let out a pained noise, but those words…he wasn't even sure where they were coming from, and they wouldn't leave! They seemed to physically pound at his skull, the monitor picking up in speed, the various IVs attached to him letting out a sound of protest as he pulled at the tubes attached to him in a blind panic. He hadn't come this far to die in a hospital like some wuss! _Gott, I am glad to see that you're alive…but I need to tell you something…_ Alarm was twisting in his gut now, and for a moment, the Prussian thought he was going to be physically sick. Whatever it was that West had told him before he had blacked out, he didn't want to know! He remembered the wall going down and seeing his blonde brother, but the rest was all dark, and he was willing to bet it was for a reason.

"Öst! Calm down!" A sudden demanding voice broke through whatever was going on in his mind. Eyes widening, Gilbert let out a slightly strained surprised sound. He had no idea when the door had opened; someone was going to kill him! He was a sitting duck, all they needed to do was suffocate him with his own pillow or something, he was easy meat! Breathing coming rapidly, chest heaving, Gilbert tore the sheets off of himself, squirming, trying to get up, trying to defend himself.

"Öst, Öst, calm down. Easy Öst, easy. It's just me." The voice said. Slowly lifting his eyes, Gilbert was able to make out some sort of blonde blur that he assumed was talking to him. He couldn't make out the words over the thundering of his heartbeat in his ears though; all he could do was watch the lips move. Trembling, he stopped fighting, though his hands were clenched into fists. Without the cover of the sheets, it was easy to see how far his body had deteriorated. He had been lean before, now he was nothing more than skin and bones.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the heart monitor slowed its beeping, and the world stopped spinning. Staring only at the blue eyes he had been able to make out, Gilbert slowly managed to get himself under control, feeling a bit sheepish for reacting like this to someone like his brother. "West," he croaked, coughing a bit, though a smile could be seen on his face as he laid back down, closing his eyes and heaving a sort of hiccupping sigh. "I'm alright West, stop looking so worried. Get your underwear out of a knot, I'm the older brother. I'm supposed to be the one doing the worrying here, not you." There was obvious pride in the albino's voice, even in his current state, he wasn't about to let his little brother stress out any more than he had to. The only response he got to that statement was a slightly strained chuckle.

"Öst, you look like shit," Ludwig said, chuckling again when Gilbert flipped him off, shaking his head a bit, "but the fact you're finally home...it makes me feel like my world is back in order. I have my family back anyway." There was a touch of wonder in the large man's tone: it made Gilbert open his eyes and look over at him in some sort of surprise, before a smile touched his face. It turned into a grin when he saw Ludwig end up smiling back at him.

"Is that your way of saying that you missed me?" He teased the other, reaching over and gently rumbling his hair. "Because I sure as hell missed you too I didn't have anyone who could put up with my insane ramblings and just smile and nod." A chuckle escaped him now, and even though it hurt, Gilbert couldn't help but grin at his brother.

"Is that all I am to you, Öst?" Ludwig asked with a soft laugh, grinning in a relaxed manner back at the albino—he was the only one Ludwig felt open enough to actually grin to. "No," he added after a few moments, sobriety entering his bright blue eyes, "You being back here…it means that everything is okay again. Right, Bruder? Everything is okay now?" The blonde was seeking reassurance now, wanting to hear from his brother that everything would be okay. That he didn't have to worry anymore.

"Yeah, everything is going to be okay, West. Don't you worry, I'm here again. I'll take care of everything just like I used to. It might take me a bit to get back on my feet, but I'm not going to end up leaving you." He murmured to the other, taking a moment to smooth his hair, before shivering a bit. The sheets were still at the foot of his bed, and if he wasn't so lazy, he would have grabbed them.

"There is something important I have to tell you…" Ludwig started hesitantly, looking down at his hands as he spoke, as if he was nervous about telling his brother this news.

"Where is Specs? I have something I need to tell him," Gilbert said, cutting Ludwig off before he could finish what he had been trying to say. _Gone, _the voice whispered in his mind, but Gilbert ignored that, merely chuckling and trying to ignore that sudden surge of alarm that twisted his stomach. He couldn't be gone, because he hadn't had the chance to tell him that he loved him yet. Living with Russia had forced the albino to do a lot of thinking, and he had come to accept the fact he did love the Austrian, and now he was going to tell him because he wasn't some sort of chicken! The Austrian and his Bruder, those were the two reasons Gilbert had fought so hard, the two reasons he had come back in the end. "Is he here somewhere?"

"Yes, he is here brother, aber…" Ludwig trailed off at the creak of the door being pushed open, looking over his shoulder. Blinking in surprise, Gilbert shifted so he was looking over Ludwig, ready to protect the other man from anyone that seemed hostile, his eyes narrowing a touch. However, as soon as he saw _who_ came into the room, he could do little more than sit back and let out a sort of laugh. It seemed that a certain ruffled looking Austrian had decided to finally come pay him a visit. It was about time.

"Ludwig, can we leave yet? Elizaveta and I—"

"Well, hello to you too, little master," Gilbert scoffed as he rolled his eyes, though there was still a smile on his face. "Finally come to see me. It took you long enough; I was starting to wonder if you'd got lost or something. We were about to send a search party out for you." Despite his words, it was impossible to hide the fact his eyes had lit up as soon as they had settled on the Austrian, Ludwig forgotten for the moment.

The dark haired man made an irritated sort of sound, one that Gilbert knew well and was surprised how much he had missed, turning his violet eyes upon the albino. "You're being quite rude, interrupting me like that," he said snidely, before shaking his head, "and I have no idea who you are. Now, Ludwig, can I go? Elizaveta and I have a date to keep."

_He doesn't remember who you are, Öst._ The voice whispered, as things flashed back to the albino, things that had happened before he had ended up passing out. Eyes widening, a sort of choked laugh escaped Gilbert now, denial rooting deeply in him. It was the only thing that was keeping him from shattering right now. "Hah, you've developed a sense of humor, Specs. Now come over here and give me the kiss I deserve," he said tightly, unable to hide the panic in his voice.

"Kiss you? Why would I want to do that?" The Austrian seemed disgusted with this idea, his eyes traveling up and down Gilbert's emaciated frame. "I have a romantic interest already, and it isn't _you."_

Feeling a blush heat his cheeks, Gilbert glared at the other man, reaching down and yanking the sheets over himself, hiding his thin frame. "W-what the hell is wrong with you?" He nearly shouted at the other man, heart monitor picking up again, reading his agitation. This wasn't his Specs…this wasn't the man he had been about to finally give his heart too!

"Bruder…"

"I'm going to leave, there is no reason for me to be here," Roderich said with a sort of huff in his voice, turning his back to the brothers. "As if I would kiss someone like you," he muttered, before walking to the door.

"Hah! You've done a lot more than just kiss me!" Gilbert shouted, eyes flashing, glaring at the back of the dark haired man.

"Lies," the aristocrat scoffed, before walking out and shutting the door with a definite 'click' sound. For a moment, there was only the beeping of the heart monitor in the room, before Ludwig spoke once more.

"He doesn't remember you."

_He doesn't remember you, Bruder. He remembers everything else…but he doesn't remember you. _


	6. Chapter 6

_You are cordially invited to celebrate_

_the wedding of _

_Roderich _

_Elizaveta_

It was impossible to do anything but stare at the invitation, look at the frilly design, the frilly text. Look at the how stupid it looked, how…how _girly_ it was. Yeah, that was the only thing he was looking at, Gilbert argued with himself, refusing to admit the fact he hadn't been able to tear his eyes off of the names. It was happening again. They had been married once, and apparently they were going at it again. Wasn't one failed marriage enough for them?

Sniffing a bit, the albino threw the paper down, chest heaving as he tried to get control of his emotions. The fucking invite wasn't even addressed to him; it was addressed to his brother. He had only opened it because he had recognized the girly scrawl of a certain Austrian. Apparently he wasn't going to be invited to this. He was willing to bet who decided that too. After all, if Roderich wasn't able to remember him, who else could it be?

A bitter sort of laugh escaped the albino now, making him double over. He…he couldn't stop laughing! Oh, this was so fucking funny, oh his sides, ow, oh it hurt! Wheezing a little bit as his body protested such abuse, Gilbert placed his forehead against the table, tears from his laughter streaking down his cheeks. Oh, Gott, it hurt. Everything in him ached. He wasn't even making a sound as he laughed, no, he just looked like an idiot…or like he was doing something under the table that shouldn't be done in a living room.

He had almost calmed down, but that thought had him laughing again. It was as if that was the funniest thing in the world, and he didn't even know why! Maybe it was because he was imagining West's face if he had actually been doing that when he saw the mess, oh fuck it, he didn't know!

Gasping for breath, though a giggle still escaped him every now and then, Gilbert slowly peeled his forehead off of the wooden table, his eyes falling back onto that frilly ass invitation to his brother. For a moment, rage coursed through him and he wanted to do nothing more than rip the paper into shreds and forget about it. Pretend it had never happened, after all, pretend this was some sort of nightmare, and he would end up waking up in Russia's old meat cellar again, hell, he'd prefer that to this reality!

A slightly shaky laugh escaped him again, as he slowly reached over and picked up the invitation, staring at it once again. All of a sudden, a smile flashed over the albino's face, and he gingerly set the paper back down, leaning back in his chair, propping his feet up on the table. "Well, Elizaveta, you can play this game with me, but you aren't going to win," he told the room, there was nobody else in it, "You had him once, but you lost time. Now you're just cheating. And you know what? I don't like cheaters." A smirk was growing on the man's face, another laugh escaping him, though this one…this one had a chilly air to it. "I still exist, and I have time to take him from you again. He may not remember me, but I'm not going to let him get married again without making an attempt to get him back. Oh, but you've always liked it rough, haven't you? You'll enjoy this then. First though, I have to come up with a plan…"

All of a sudden, Gilbert slid his feet off the table, his eyes widening, standing up. There was an answer to all of this! A grin stretched across the ex-nation's face, a true laugh escaping him as he bounced on the balls of his feet a little bit, before grabbing a jacket and shoving the door open. _Gilbert, this isn't a wise idea,_ a voice told him. It sounded like the same voice that had been talking to him in the hospital, and quite frankly, it was starting to piss him off.

"Shut up, just because you're tied by morals doesn't mean that I have to be. Now get the hell out of my head, fucker. I don't want anything to do with you and your voice of reason," Gilbert snapped, earning some stares from people he passed on the street, their eyes widening. _This is not the way to go about this! You're going to make things worse! He may remember you, but he'll end up hating you! What is worse, him remembering you and hating you, or him not remembering you and having no real views on it?_ The voice asked. Letting out a growl, Gilbert forcibly gagged the voice as well as he could, imagining shoving it back into some dark closet and locking the door.

"Shut up," he snarled, zipping his coat as a gust of cold air threatened to blow him backwards. "You're just a voice, you don't understand what is going on! I'd rather have a chance than live my life wondering if I could have stopped this! I don't care if he'll end up hating me, at least he'll feel something for me! He cared for me once…he can do it again." The last part was something of a whisper, and for a moment, he had to look away, muttering about the wind making his eyes tear up.

He hadn't been out of the hospital long, and since that Austrian had come to visit his brother the other day; he was still in a hotel not too far from the house. It all made sense now, why he had always shut up whenever Gilbert had come into the room, why he had seemed like he was hiding something. At the time, Gilbert had thought it was just him being uncomfortable around people again, but no, he understood now. He hadn't wanted him to learn about the wedding. Or rather, she hadn't wanted him to learn about the wedding.

"When did you turn so spineless?" Gilbert asked as he stared at the hotel, ignoring the people walking past him. They were probably staring at him anyway, if not because he was talking to himself, then because of the fact he was an albino. "Or were you always like this, and I was just oblivious to it? Are you really worth all of this heartache?" For a moment, Gilbert allowed indecision to enter his tone as he stared up at the building, a sort of sigh escaping him. Slowly, he shook his head.

"Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through with it," he muttered, before taking a deep breath and going into the hotel. He knew what room the other was staying in already, he just breezed past the information desk without answering their friendly calls, if that offended them then it was just too bad because he honestly couldn't care less. Walking up to the door, he slammed his fist against it, hissing when pain flashed up his arm. It didn't stop him though, over and over he hit the door, ignoring the muffled 'I'm coming!' from inside.

As the door opened a crack, Gilbert forced his way in, shutting the door behind him and outright glaring at the violet eyed man. "You," he growled, breathing a bit labored from the violence to the door, "are not allowed to get married until you remember me," he informed the aristocrat, who seemed to be in a state of shock, his eyes wide.

"What are you doing, forcing your way in here? Who do you think you are? I can do whatever I would like, and if I want to marry Elizaveta, I will! I don't know how you even learned about that!" Roderich said furiously, though his voice didn't rise to a yell as Gilbert so desperately wanted it to.

"Right, I wasn't supposed to learn about it because she wanted to keep it from me, right? I best she asked you to marry her too, and you just didn't have the balls to say no. You're just spineless like that," Gilbert growled, gripping the front of the Austrian's jacket, pushing him up against the wall, their faces only inches apart. "You had a failed marriage once, why the hell are you trying this again? She had her chance, and she lost it," he said, though his tone was steadily getting quieter, lower.

"L-Let go of me!" Roderich said, squirming in the ex-nation's grasp, his eyes wide, fearful even. "I-I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't even know your name! Who the hell do you think you are?" He repeated, trying to shove the albino back. "You have no right to judge my decisions; I care deeply for Elizaveta, and I will marry her," he said with a sniff of disdain. "I doubt you would know about caring deeply for someone."

"You may care deeply about her, but you don't love her," Gilbert snarled now, though he released the Austrian, as if he had been burned. "Hah, you shouldn't talk without having all of your memories," he growled, turning his back to him for a moment, staring at the door to try and stop the stinging feeling he felt. There was no reason to be upset, there was just…there was just something in this room he was allergic to. Hell, maybe he was allergic to Mr. Stick-Up-His-Ass over there. "This is not who you are," he said quietly as he turned back around to face the other man, who had retreated to the opposite side of the hotel room. "I know you, at least, I know who you used to be. You want to know the reason I came back, the reason I fought so hard to survive while I was living in hell?" He asked, stepping forward, only the hotel bed separating the two, watching as the violet eyed man cringed back a bit.

"N-not really, I'm not certain I would care," Roderich stammered a little bit, paling as the other man got closer, wishing he knew how to use a cell phone. "However, if you're going to tell me anyway…wait, you spent time at Russia's?" For a moment, he stared at the other nation, eyeing him up and down. "I understand now," he said a bit breathlessly, eyes widening.

"Y-you…what?" Gilbert asked, caught off guard by this sudden statement, his eyes widening, and a look of hope coming into them. "Y-you understand? Does that mean you remember?" He asked, his voice scarcely above a whisper. "Do you remember who I am? Do you remember…do you remember what was going on before I left for the wall…?"

"No, I understand why you are the way you are. You're just like Russia. No wonder I find you so disgusting," Roderich scoffed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "You have the same violence for an answer motives as he does, you think everything should be your way, you're just like Russia. You're probably just as much of a monster as he is anyway. Now that we've established this, please remove yourself from my hotel room," and with that, Roderich turned away from him, shaking his head a little bit.

For a moment, Gilbert couldn't speak. Pain raced through him though, as well as hot anger. "I am nothing like that bastard," he growled, hands shaking a little bit as flashbacks threatened to overwhelm him. "I am nothing like him!" He shouted now, lunging across the bed. "I will never be anything like him!" Not calculating how far he had to go properly, Gilbert slammed into the other nation, sending them both crashing into the wall with a 'crack!' sort of sound. Groaning, the albino slowly sat up, rubbing his forehead with a bit of a whine. "Look at what you make me do," he mumbled, before noticing that the Austrian had passed out.

"Fuck, he probably scared himself into passing out," Gilbert muttered, staring at the passed out man, before looking around, and tenderly scooping him up into his arms, setting him down on the bed and tucking the covers around him. After doing so, he went over and locked the door, while also sticking the hotel phone in the drawer. Turning his attention back to the Austrian, a pang went through Gilbert as he reached out and adjusted his glasses, a sad, bitter chuckle escaping him. He still cared for this man, hell, he still loved this man. It was obvious though…it was obvious that they would never be the way they had once been. Roderich had…well, he had moved on. This moment could be the last he had with him.

"Stupid…stupid Austrian," Gilbert whispered, reaching out and smoothing the soft hair, watching the way it shone in the light. "I'm…" He blinked furiously now, rubbing at his eyes, trying to get his emotions under control. "Fuck," he whispered roughly, before closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall, trying to stay calm…trying to accept the fact that this was the end. The reason he had fought so hard, the reason he had come back…it was all gone.

"G-Gilbert?" A groggy voice asked him a bit later. "W-what are you doing here? I thought you were living with R-Russia still," the voice sounded confused, and slowly, Gilbert opened his eyes, wondering if he had died or something. Looking back at him was a pair of wide, violet eyes, eyes that seemed incredibly happy, but incredibly confused at the same time.

"Specs?" Gilbert asked lowly, suddenly afraid that his wasn't real, that this was just some hopeful part of his imagination. Slowly, he pushed himself up off the wall, scooting closer to the Austrian in an almost hopeful sort of manner. "Are…is it you? Again?"

"Well, who else could it be, Gilbert?" Roderich asked, looking around the hotel room in evident confusion. "Why am I trapped in a hotel room with you anyway?"

"I…might have taken you hostage because you couldn't remember me and wanted to marry Elizaveta again," Gilbert mumbled, unable to tear his eyes from Roderich, moving so he was sitting beside him on the bed. "What happened, Specs? Why couldn't you remember me? You could remember everyone else…just not me…" Gilbert whispered, unable to look at the other man for the moment.

"Wait, you're keeping me hostage so I can't marry someone, all because I couldn't remember you?" The Austrian asked, his eyes narrowing a little bit, before letting out an exasperated sort of sound. "You're so childish, Gilbert," Roderich grumbled, before pausing and reaching over, placing a hand over the ex-nation's, twining their fingers together a little bit. "And…it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't remember you, Gilbert," he whispered, looking down as well now. "I always felt like there was something missing, but I was never sure what I was missing…I…" For a moment, Roderich took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.

"Russia." He said quietly, looking down, his hand tightening on Gilbert's. "He…apparently he didn't like the fact my letters seemed to be getting you through the night. The day before you were released, he came and…" A shudder escaped the Austrian. "Took care of my memories, so to say," he whispered again, a single tear sliding down his cheek.

Eyes widening, Gilbert turned and pulled the other man into him, embracing him tightly, burying his face into his hair with a shaky sort of sigh. "I am nothing like him," he muttered, needing that reassurance. "I am nothing like he is, I'm not."

"W-what? No, whoever told you that is telling you lies," Roderich said in a slightly alarmed, albeit muffled since he face was buried into the albino's chest, his arms tight around him.

"You said that," Gilbert said flatly, before shaking his head a little bit. "I can't believe he came after you. Damn it, I should go back and try to kill him for that, he isn't allowed to touch you!" Possessive as always, Gilbert made a move to leave the hotel room, but found himself stuck, a certain Austrian latched onto him.

"N-no! Don't go, please," He managed, clinging tighter to the albino. "I just got you back, I…I couldn't stand to lose you again," he mumbled, a slight whimper escaping him. "I don't know if you'd come back from there this time. I can't let you leave me again. I'm not going to marry her again." Roderich rambled quickly, trying to get Gilbert's attention again.

"Why?" Settling back down though, Gilbert absently smoothed Roderich's hair again, letting his fingers glide through it.

Looking up, Roderich let out a quiet chuckle, before he reached over, and pulled the albino down into a kiss.

Eyes widening, Gilbert made a surprised sound, before closing his eyes, and kissed him back.

And although neither of them said it—they were both unable to swallow their pride enough, those three words were there as they kissed.

_Ich liebe dich. _


End file.
